Dear Irritating Brat
by Samberlina
Summary: Even Lord Voldemort enjoys simply pleasures, gaining a pen pal in Harry Potter.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. They all rightfully belong to J.K Rowling; I'm simply borrowing them for amusement.

**Dear Irritating Brat**

* * *

Dear Irritating Brat

My, it's been a while hasn't it! I do hope you enjoyed our little reunion, time sure flies when you're having fun. So, naturally, our thirteen years apart really has dragged, because, come on, our little meetings previously hardly count. This was the perfect time to catch up. A shame though, that you had to leave the party so soon; you even made my other guest of honor leave. I mean, I understand that you mightn't have appreciated it, considering my little gathering consisted mainly of adults. But that shouldn't have dampened the spirit of celebration, surely? It really wasn't that bad, was it?

Anyway, I should go. I'm having another little get-together to find another way that we can rendezvous. I trust you will appreciate the time and effort I am putting into this.

Yours sincerely,

The Dark Lord

* * *

Tom Marvolo Riddle

Has all the killings and slaughters finally made an impact on your brain? That's funny; I thought your mind was already past the point of insanity.

Why are you writing to me? Is it not enough to mentally maim me since I was a toddler, you now have to personally make my every woken moment a living nightmare? Oh, I forget, even my sleep is disturbed by visions of your ridiculous everyday doings. I have your hideous face permanently burned into my mind; I don't need any more reminders of your sick existence, thank you.

Don't write back to me.

Harry Potter

* * *

Dear Irritating Brat

If you address me as that irksome name, I'll see to it that the title I selected for you will stick.

I'm so sorry for not keeping in touch with you recently. Killing and conquering really does take a huge chunk out of my free time. Don't fret though; I'll be sure to hang up my wand for a minute occasionally to continue to write you, just to put your mind at rest.

I'll take your information about my sanity in stride. Lording around fools like Crabbe and Goyle surely takes its toll, but for your sake, I'll attempt to hold it together. Frankly, I'm quite surprised to still be as efficient in maiming and destruction as I used to be. I was sure I was going to be a little rough around the edges to begin with after such a long break, but I smoothly got back into my stride.

I really have dedicated quite some time writing this for you, I'm quite proud. But alas, back to reality I must go. Killing, killing and a bit more killing, it's really getting a bit monotonous. I should take a holiday. Maybe a trip to Hawaii? Soaking in the sun isn't really my thing, but a tan might do me good and I certainly know how to adapt. Living on the back of Quirinus's head does that to you. I'll appreciate any input you have on the matter.

P.S: I'm sure you're enjoying the little insight to my life through your visions, I'll be sure to send some delightful memories your way. I'm sure you will enjoy them.

Yours sincerely,

The Dark Lord

* * *

Tom Marvolo Riddle

You're disgusting and sick! But I suppose I already knew that. No family deserves what you did to them, and you and your pathetic excuse for follows do that for a living! Go and die already, so I can laugh and dance on your grave.

P.S: Go to Hawaii. A tan might make your ugly mug of a face more bearable to look at.

Harry Potter

* * *

Dear Irritating Brat

Thanks for the advice! I put your words into account and took that much needed break. Soaking up the rays of the sun worked wonders; my skin attained a faint darkening to it, luring the women in with it. Bellatrix was particularly ravenous with me though, which was one of the only downsides to the trip.

I think I might have developed a healthy brown hue if my trip wasn't cut off short. I must say though, it really was a delight seeing you again. I noticed that you are finally starting to grow up and look like the man that could dominate me. I bet people were wondering by now what made me target you; I hope they are changing their opinions now.

Being informed by Bella, I learned about the demise of your godfather. Don't fret, young one, you can do so much better. Speaking of Bellatrix, she was particularly smitten with you - I think you have another to add to your ever growing fan club.

I'll be sure to write again soon, I rather like our little letters. This devious side of you needs to come out more often. I will be eagerly awaiting your reply.

P.S: Did you notice my tan?

Yours sincerely,

The Dark Lord

* * *

Tom Marvolo Riddle

I'm surprised you're bothering to continue writing to me. Why aren't you perusing your every attempt at fulfilling the prophecy and killing me? Have you gone soft during the years?

To your pathetic question, no, I didn't notice your tan. To be frank, I didn't really have the time to pause and study you. What, with your desperate attempt to kill and possess me. I'll try to notice next time, and let you know.

By the way, never mention my godfather again! He was the only family I had left, thanks to you! He didn't deserve to die! Your precious, sadistic wench of a follower on the other hand...

I would really appreciate it if you could turn your murderous ways onto one of your followers, just for a change? That's not asking for much, seeing as it's your favourite thing to do. Before you ask, I thought I could ask this favour from you, seeing as we are now pen pals.

P.S: By the way, were you dropped as a baby, perhaps by your muggle father?

Harry Potter

* * *

Dear Irritating Brat

I will ignore your emotionally unstable question about my wellbeing as a child. If you really must know, my father abandoned me before I was born. I saw to it that he regretted it, don't worry.

The prophecy may be true or it may be a load of crock, depends on what you believe. Personally I wouldn't trust Sibil Trelawny, but what can you do. Regardless, you gained my attention. Don't think my eye's going to wander anytime soon, you will be sadly mistaken.

Pen pal or not, it is out of the question. As annoying as she is, Bella happens to be one of my most loyal and efficient followers. You really should watch her in action; her ways of torture are just breathtaking and original.

How is school life going this year? I heard Slughorn was recruited at the start of the year. Quite a shame, I was searching him out for some time. I might pay both of you a visit, wards permitting.

Yours sincerely,

The Dark Lord

* * *

Tom Marvolo Riddle

If you don't believe the prophecy, why are you continuing to bother me? Are you really trying to kill me off this way? It's getting to be a bit mundane.

School has been the same, really. Keeping alive and attempting to find a way to exterminate a frustrating git who just won't lie down and die.

I'm sure Slughorn sends his regards, weren't you two chummy when you were at school?

Harry Potter

* * *

Dear Irritating Brat

What a shocker! To think that meddlesome Dumbledore has finally bit the dusk. I have only just heard the wonderful news! Truth be told, I'm a little surprised he didn't cark it from old age before now - he really was trying his luck.

Just sending this little message to reminisce on the old times when we kept in contact regularly. I must say, I am missing our little one on one talks. I was punishing Lucius the other day for his incompetence, and I got quite nostalgic. I heard you were on the run from me, and I just want to confirm if this is true? To be completely honest with you, I was a little hurt when I heard this rumor - I thought we were getting along fine.

Anyway, I must go. There are a few houses I still need to exterminate for the evening. I do need to keep up my overbearing facade, you know?

Hope to hear from you.

Yours sincerely,

The Dark Lord

* * *

Tom Marvolo Riddle

Hiding in the wilderness sure is a difficult way to live. I don't understand how you managed to do it for eleven years! Kudos to you!

Apart from practically no food, pathetic sleeping arrangements and your death eaters dogging our every step, life is just peachy. I trust Lucius will learn from now on to not allow prisoners to escape his manor. It really was quite unprofessional, and it brought down the proficiency in your image.

Why did you taboo your name, by the way? It really hindered our journey, but at least now you don't have Olivander, Luna and Griphook within your pasty, skeletal grasp. It's a tad weird though, that you tabooed the name Voldemort. I thought you liked being referred to as that? Do you really want every person to go around calling you Tom? Or, heaven forbid, Riddle?

I really must go now, we have an important mission to do and we really can't fail. It's quite possible you'll hear about it later, but one can hope.

Wish me luck.

Harry Potter

* * *

Dear Soon-to-be-Dead Brat

I very much doubt that you will read this letter. No doubt you will be too busy rushing off to Hogwarts to destroy my final Horcrux. For the life of me, I cannot comprehend that you managed to destroy all of the others thus far. And for that, I grudgingly commend you.

Just writing for old times' sake, giving you notice that you signed your death wish tonight. It's quite a waste really, but if I targeted you for your entire life, it's expected of me to carry on until the end, otherwise my life would have a gaping loop hole. By the way, I'll have you know that moments before I summoned my followers, giving them notice to prepare for battle. So be warned, I have quite an impressive army at my side.

Well, it's time to go, there are many people to kill and torture tonight. Bella will think Christmas has come early, dear me.

Sorry about this, really. But I can't stand motionless while you off me. That would be quite embarrassing.

I guess I better wrap this up, I'll see you at Hogwarts shortly.

P.S: I enjoyed being your pen pal.

Yours sincerely,

Lord Voldemort


End file.
